I choose the word process because of the "gradual changes that lead to a particular result." I look at myself as the one in "process." It certainly is not God. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. That is probably why I have such a hard time grasping His concepts. I tend to change somewhat frequently and not always for the positive. I also have issue with the "gradual changes." I'm fond of the quick and easy fixes, but I'm also aware that they rarely work long term and usually aren't as good. (Who ever chose a store bought "quick and easy" cake over a straight from scratch Mema's cake. No one in my family!) I have decided that I want to be in "a process" with the "particular result" being Christlike. I have lofty goals I know. I'm also very aware that on this side of Glory I will not achieve my desired outcome. However, I feel that I still must make my feeble attempt. He has done soooo much for me.
It is on days like today, that my "process" seems to travel in the negative direction instead of the positive. All the while I'm very aware that I'm going the wrong way. Kind of like driving into a round-about in Boston and then coming out the same road that you went in on. You temporarily made wonderful progress, but it was short lived. You are very aware that you are going out the same way you came in, but there is nothing you can do about it. For weeks, months, maybe even a year, I've been making great progress toward my desired outcome. Don't get me wrong, I'm no where near Christlike. But I'm a few inches closer than I was when I began. Today.. for a moment, I not only drove back in the opposite direction; I was catapulted back beyond the beginning of "the process."
One situation sent me running aimlessly backwards into fear, hate, hurt, mean and control. It was almost an outer body experience because I could hear myself saying these awful things but my heart was saying, "You don't believe or mean those things." "You know that you are loved." "You know Who is in control." But for a very brief moment, I wanted to feel that I had some control over someone else. I wanted to hurt them as much as their actions would hurt me. I had to cry.
In my tears and my broken heartedness, He reached down and reminded me of all the things I've learned in my process. He is love. He drives out fear. He heals the hurt. He is in control. He also showed me that He is walking the journey through the process in relationship with me. And no matter how gradual the change, the change is in the direction of HIM as long as I keep my focus on HIM.
A good song and a long walk will always help me refocus.
I hope that you enjoy.
1 comment:
Progress doesn't mean we never take a wrong turn or slip up, it means we recognize the wrong path far earlier than we used to, turn back to God far quicker, and fall on our knees far faster. Compare how you might have handled the situation 5 years ago, and praise Him for progress!
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