Motivation of the Heart found at Disney

Five days at Disney...what could be better? For some people hemorrhoid surgery would be more enjoyable, however if you are a Tillman this is about as perfect as it gets. The only thing better than 5 days at Disney would be at least 7, maybe 10.

Todd and I love Disney and have raised 3 children who love it as well. As soon as one trip is over, we start planning the next one. We go knowing that there will be people; lots of people from all over the world. We make a game plan and go about it as best we can, but we also know that you must be flexible in a crowded theme park atmosphere. We talk about our game plan so that everyone is involved and has input into what they would like to do or see. We are really very fortunate in this aspect.

All of this being said, I did not plan on having such a God moment at Disney this last time. I don't know why that seemed like such a foreign concept to me. God doesn't live in a box. He is everywhere, even Disney. He has even taught me lessons there before. (Like someone finding Olivia's pin lanyard, turning it in and us getting it back 2 weeks after we got home. If that's not God! But that is a different story entirely.) I guess I just didn't think I needed to learn a lesson. When that is your attitude, watch out!

So, we head off on the first day. We drive down early on Wednesday. Arrive in time to check in our hotel and head off to Animal Kingdom. Jake is terribly excited because it is his first trip to Animal Kingdom. All goes well, but I find myself observing other people. Some look like me and that is comforting, but others do not. I then have to decide what to do with that uncomfortableness. I consider myself an open-minded girl. I just think, " It takes all kinds of people" and I move on. Later we encounter, big kids (age 4) walking around sucking passies. I'm being pushed a little further this time. What am I going to do with this? Really none of my business, but judgement starts creeping in. Why would you let your big kid walk around sucking a passie? Don't you know how bad that is for them? It will mess up their teeth not to mention their speech. So glad that I'm not that kind of parent. I certainly would not let my 4 yr. old do that. I'm so good. :)

The next day is Hollywood studios. Again another great day full of fun and new rides and experiences. Here we also encounter the screaming kids and the angry parents. Screaming kids because they are tired or hungry or have sensory overload. Angry parents because they are tired, hungry, have unmet expectations, etc. Oh No! A little pride creeping up, I'm so glad that my children aren't acting like that. I'm so happy that we didn't come here with unrealistic expectations of what this day would be. We are so good. :)

Third day...Epcot, a new experience for all of us. This really was a wonderful day. Todd got to spend most of the day with us. We enjoyed a fabulous meal at the Corral Reef. We rode Soaring and Test Track together as a family.

Certainly Satan was not going to sneak into this day. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8 I'm about to get devoured by people on scooters. Whole families riding scooters around the streets of Epcot. Are they too lazy to walk? Are they too large to walk? What is their deal? Why are they getting right in front of me and my "good" family and slowing us down? Why does Disney even allow these crazy things? My self-righteousness just lays me out there to be swallowed whole by that roaring lion prowling behind the people on the scooters.

Thank you Jesus that I know the Shepard's voice and can hear him when he calls. With gentle correction He ask me, "What was the motivation of your heart when you planned this trip and brought your family here?" Of course my motivation was to have a good time, share this experience with my children and husband, and relax. "Do you honestly believe that the motivation of any of these people is much different than yours?" No. "Each of them is my child. I want for them and you the same things that you want for your children."

The next day was Magic Kingdom. After our little chat, I viewed it with very different eyes. I made sure that I had my "God Goggles" on. Things are always more magical through the Father's eyes, even 14 hours in the Magic Kingdom.

I had almost let this post slip from my memory. While listening to Francis Chan's podcast on "Holy Anguish," I was reminded of this lesson. He talked about parenting and how we all have different styles and things that we hold sacred, but all of our motivation is the same. Our hearts long to raise our children loving them the best way we know how.

So for me, the motivation of the heart is certainly something to consider. If the motivation is good, you have to give grace to the process and the outcome.

What defines you?

I've been at CATALYST over this past week. If you ever get a chance to go, I highly recommend it. It is usually the first Wed. - Fri. in October. It is held at the Gwinnett Center and is two full days of speakers and worship. It is actually billed as a Christian Leadership Conference. Truly incredible!

I thought that my blog would focus on what I learned at Catalyst and I would share all of the amazing things that happened there. However, that is not exactly where this blog is headed. I'm sure that all of those amazing things will come out over the course of several post.

The inspiration for this blog actually came from what Todd and I call, "Trashy TV night." Every Sunday night Todd and I watch Desperate Housewives and then I watch Brothers and Sisters. Be careful, don't judge me because of my guilty pleasure. I actually learn about relationships from these programs and gain insight into society.

Enough background...on with the show. Towards the end of Brothers and Sisters, Kitty (Calista Flockhart) tells her husband (Rob Lowe) that he did not allow is heart attack to define him and that she would not allow her diagnosis of cancer to define her. I was truly struck by this statement.

I am sure that this is not some new idea that I've come up with, but for myself I would like to examine this question. "What defines me?" I'm sure that throughout ones life this is an ever evolving answer. You may be some one's child or sibling, some one's friend or significant other, some one's boss or employee, some one's spouse or parent.

Think about it. When introducing ourselves to someone new, we often connect ourselves with someone. I know that in a school setting I am Dane, Olivia or Jake's momma depending on who am talking with. In the community I might be Todd's wife or Young and Penny's daughter-in-law. In Blackshear, I'm Sara and Leon's daughter or Ben and Matthew's sister. I might even be Irene's granddaughter or Cassie or Laurie's niece. Family certainly defines who we are.

Our occupation and accomplishments often defines who we are, as well. Todd could be defined as the broker/owner of Century 21 Winnersville Realty or the Joy Group leader at the House Of Joy. He could be defined as the past president of the Valdosta Board of Realtors or Azalea City Kiwanis Club. Leadership Lowndes or the United Way board position could also be a part of his definition.

How often does our church affiliation define who we are? Especially in the South we are known by the church we attend. Are you a member of Park Avenue, CrossPointe, Solomon's Porch, Morningside, Northside, Crossroads, First Methodist, First Presbyterian, First Baptist, or St. John's.

As the characters from last night's TV shows, you could be defined by an illness or an accident that occurred. You could be the one fighting cancer or the cancer survivor. You could be the heart attack victim or survivor. You could even be defined by a crime that happened to you or that you committed.

All of us have things in our lives that could define us. Some of these things are good and some of them not so good. But the key to it is we have a choice. We can choose what defines us. We can decide what we want to cling to as our identity. Sometimes it doesn't feel like we have a choice, especially when the defining thing happens to us. We are a victim. However, we don't have to be defined by the evil of this world.

Jesus Christ lived and died so that we can have a choice. We can choose our definition in the shadow of the cross. His sacrifice was so that none of us have to be victims or defined by anything more than His grace. It is enough.

At Catalyst I roomed with a girl that helped me refine my definition. Someone asked how we knew one another. I gave a very worldly explanation. She simply said, "We both love Jesus!" What a wonderful way to be defined!

The Process...

Some call it a "journey", "walk", or "relationship." While all of these words accurately describe interaction with God . I'm going to refer to it as "a process." To me a process is an ongoing act that implies a desired outcome. I double checked with Merriam-Webster to make sure that I had not assigned my own definition to the word. (I've been known to do that in the past.) According to Merriam-Webster, "A process is a natural phenomenon marked by gradual changes that lead to a particular result." So in this instance, I'm right.


I choose the word process because of the "gradual changes that lead to a particular result." I look at myself as the one in "process." It certainly is not God. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. That is probably why I have such a hard time grasping His concepts. I tend to change somewhat frequently and not always for the positive. I also have issue with the "gradual changes." I'm fond of the quick and easy fixes, but I'm also aware that they rarely work long term and usually aren't as good. (Who ever chose a store bought "quick and easy" cake over a straight from scratch Mema's cake. No one in my family!) I have decided that I want to be in "a process" with the "particular result" being Christlike. I have lofty goals I know. I'm also very aware that on this side of Glory I will not achieve my desired outcome. However, I feel that I still must make my feeble attempt. He has done soooo much for me.

It is on days like today, that my "process" seems to travel in the negative direction instead of the positive. All the while I'm very aware that I'm going the wrong way. Kind of like driving into a round-about in Boston and then coming out the same road that you went in on. You temporarily made wonderful progress, but it was short lived. You are very aware that you are going out the same way you came in, but there is nothing you can do about it. For weeks, months, maybe even a year, I've been making great progress toward my desired outcome. Don't get me wrong, I'm no where near Christlike. But I'm a few inches closer than I was when I began. Today.. for a moment, I not only drove back in the opposite direction; I was catapulted back beyond the beginning of "the process."

One situation sent me running aimlessly backwards into fear, hate, hurt, mean and control. It was almost an outer body experience because I could hear myself saying these awful things but my heart was saying, "You don't believe or mean those things." "You know that you are loved." "You know Who is in control." But for a very brief moment, I wanted to feel that I had some control over someone else. I wanted to hurt them as much as their actions would hurt me. I had to cry.


In my tears and my broken heartedness, He reached down and reminded me of all the things I've learned in my process. He is love. He drives out fear. He heals the hurt. He is in control. He also showed me that He is walking the journey through the process in relationship with me. And no matter how gradual the change, the change is in the direction of HIM as long as I keep my focus on HIM.

A good song and a long walk will always help me refocus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSXciv06218

I hope that you enjoy.

Friends

I had a call from an old friend yesterday. She called to say that she had been reading my blog and just wanted to catch up. She referenced my post of "Catch and Release." She said she didn't want to be a catch and release kind of friend. I assured her that she wasn't.

In fact, she is one of those friends that you have for a lifetime. One of those friends that you may spend a season of life very close to and then you may have a season when you aren't so close. The season doesn't make your friendship any more or less. In fact I have come to cherish those friendships a great deal, a friend that is your friend over the years. One that you have history with...good and bad. A friend that has been in your life long enough to see a lot of your flaws and loves you anyway.

I am very grateful to have been blessed with a handful of these friends. Friends who have known me as a girl, a teenager, a college student, a young adult, a young married woman, a new mother and now an old mother. No matter what stage of my life they have come into my life, they've gotten to see the good, the bad, and the ugly and most importantly they have remained my friend.

I've also been blessed with other types of friends. Friends that come and go out of my life. Maybe physical distances or circumstances in life cause the friendship not to last so long. They are also important to my life. They have added value to my time on earth and certainly taught me lessons about myself, others and God.

There are also the new friends that I make on a regular basis. Friends that I've just known a few years, months, weeks or even days. These I also consider gifts from God. In my study of John, I am reminded that all things are created by God for God. If we are to believe this, then all people with all of their differences and all relationships work together to bring God glory.

Robin Norwood says, "We need to be able to relinquish our beliefs about what "should" be and become willing to accept and appreciate what simply is." Maybe that should be our take on friendship. There is no real definition of what a friend "should" be. We should accept them and appreciate them for what they are...gifts from God!

You never know who is watching

The God goggles have been popping up everywhere. I attended my first BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) discussion group this past Thursday. While we were discussing, I felt that I was supposed to share with the group about God goggles. I chose not to share. It was our first time together. I had already shared on several questions and didn't want to be a conversation hog. I also didn't want to be tooting my own horn about my blog or my catch phrase "God goggles." So I told that small voice in my head to "shh!" and the discussion moved on.

Well, come to find out God wanted me to share that story in small group. Because when we went to the sanctuary for lecture, the guest speaker talked about God goggles. Had I followed the prompting to share, the twelve girls in my small group could have gotten a glimpse of how God ties things together through people who haven't even met.

There have been other times when I do listen to that small voice and although I may not know the impact my actions have. I've learned that you never know who is watching.

Months ago I began to notice a lady around town. I noticed her because she is different. She appears to be homeless. She wears a heavy coat with a hood no matter what the weather. She used to have a bicycle, but now she has a baby stroller. She seems to always be talking to herself.

I don't know why I took an interest in her, but I did. Whenever I would pass her on the road or see her sitting on a bench, I would say a little prayer for her. God had laid her on my heart. I wasn't sure how or where or why, but I knew in my spirit that our paths were going to cross.

One night after a meeting, a friend and I happened upon the topic of homeless people and "she" came up. My friend had noticed her, too. She had even gone so far as to stop and talk with her. I had not gathered my courage enough to do that. However, God was going to give me the opportunity.

One Sunday after church, my family and I went out to eat as we often do. I knew the time had come. There outside the door of the restaurant sat "her" stroller. I said to myself this is it. I'm about to have an encounter with her. Well, sure enough my entire family had the opportunity to meet her and spend some time talking with her. She was in the restaurant inquiring about the church that my family and I attend. This opened the door for us to invite her to sit down, to talk with her and offer her assistance.

You really need some description in order to get the full picture. It is May in South Georgia, ninety-seven degrees easily. She is dressed in a sweatshirt, pants, heavy coat with a hood and sunglasses on inside. My family and I are dressed in our Sunday best...fancy dresses, heels, pearls, coats, and ties. We are all sitting together talking in the restaurant. Not a sight that you see everyday, certainly not every Sunday in south Georgia.

After awhile, we parted ways with our new friend, "Miss Sherry." We left with the agreement that Todd would meet her back the next morning and take her to get assistance. The next morning comes, Todd goes to pick her up and she is not there. He waits, but still no Sherry.

A week later, I see her sitting on a bench in front of Hollywood Video. I wheel in to go and talk with her, check on her and make sure she is OK. She immediately recognizes me and apologizes for standing my husband up. She can't say exactly why she wasn't there, but she was certainly sorry that she might have inconvenienced him. I could tell that she simply wanted to talk so I sat with her for a while. She shared of many things, but she mainly wanted to talk about Jesus. I stayed as long as I could and then I left.

I got back into my car to my phone going off like crazy. I had several missed calls and texts and the phone was ringing. I picked up to the chastising voice of my friend who says, "What are you doing? My husband said that he saw you sitting on the bench talking to the crazy lady." I told her that her name was "Sherry" and that we were chatting.

I've run into Sherry only one other time since then, but have several opportunities to talk about her with others. Now months later people will bring up the fact that they say me talking with her or they will share a story of how she had an encounter with them. Most people indicate that she makes them feel uncomfortable. They want her to change her clothes or where she sits or how she acts. All Sherry really wants is for someone to sit and listen to her. Why does she make us uncomfortable? Could she be like the blind beggar or the demon possessed man from Jesus time? Is what she's asking for too much to give?

The next time you feel a prompting to do something a little out of the the ordinary or at least out of your comfort zone, listen to that small voice. You never know what catalyst your action could be for a plan that God has and you never know who is watching!

Olivia and the God Goggles

After the last post, this one seems to follow naturally. I can't remember where I first heard the term "God Goggles," but I know that I didn't come up with it. Someone said it and I've decided to use it. Every morning as I drop the carpool kids off at school, I say, "Put on your God Goggles" or "Don't forget your God Goggles." Being that we have new kids in the carpool, I've had to explain what this means.

I can't remember if it has been one or two years ago, but one day Olivia came home from school not her normal yippee self. She seemed bothered. For my effervescent always giggling and smiling child, I knew something was wrong. I asked her why she was blue. She then relayed a story about a little boy in her class that wasn't very nice. He didn't listen in class or follow the rules. He spoke out of turn and picked on her. She basically had nothing nice to say about him. I tried to ask her question that might lead her to see some of his positive attributes, but nothing seemed to work.

Then I remembered the "God Goggles." I told her that when she went to school the next day, she should wear her God Goggles. She looked at me with confusion. She didn't want to wear anything on her face. Someone might make fun of her. I explained that God Goggles simply let her see through God's eyes. If she could see this little boy as God sees him, then maybe she could find his good qualities. I told her that as she walked into class she could put on her imaginary God Goggles and ask God to show her this little boy and other things throughout her day through His eyes. She smiled that wonderful Olivia smile, giggled and said that she would try it.

As she got out of the car the next morning, I reminded her to put on her God Goggles. She smiled and said that she would. When she got home from school that afternoon, I couldn't wait to hear how the God Goggles had worked for her. She came bouncing through the door with the smile that she is known for. I anxiously asked what she saw through her God Goggles when she looked at this little boy. She said that the good thing about him was he had on a cute shirt. I asked wasn't there anything else good about him. She said nope and skipped off to play.

Not exactly what I was hoping for, but it was a step in the right direction. Over the course over the school year, she would relay more positive stories about the little boy from time to time. Whether she was wearing God Goggles or not, I don't know. What I do know is that we all need to wear our God Goggles everyday in every situation. I know easier said than done, but maybe in the more difficult ones we can stop and slip them on and see how God would evaluate the scene.

Some days I just seem to have them strapped on and other days they are nowhere to be found. Maybe Thursday when we ran into man #1, I had on my God Goggles. Who knows? But like anything I'm a work in progress and very far from perfection. So as you go out into your day, "Don't forget your God Goggles!"

Life Lessons and Dead Batteries

Yesterday was like an other day in the Tillman family...crazy. After school the boys had a hair appointment that I thought was at 4:30, but turned out to be at 3:45. Olivia and Dane don't usually get home until 3:45 so things had to be thrown into hyper mode in order to get there remotely close to appointment time. Despite my "on time" issues, I really do hate being late. It maybe not really "on time" issues, but my inability to gage how long activities take.

Anyway, we rushed downtown, four children in tow, in the misting rain. In my hurry to get everyone inside, I left my lights on. Being that my car is so smart, (like it knows the way to Disney World without me really having to drive there) I figured it could turn the lights off for me since I forgot. Apparently it has forgotten how to do this. After forty minutes and two haircuts later, all five of us come out into the rain to return to the car without an umbrella. The big kids and Jake think that running in the rain is fun, so they head out to the car. Henry and I make our way without getting too wet.

As everyone gets loaded into the car, I hand Dane the keys to start the car and turn on the air. He can't get it to turn over. I finish strapping Henry in and try for myself. Nothing happens. Nothing at all. Not even a hint of turning over. Well, panic ensues. Not me but the children. Olivia is worried that we will have to live in our car. Jake's concerned that we are going to burn up without air. Henry tries out a few new octaves just for the fun of it. And Dane sits there looking like "Is this really happening?"

Well, not to panic I have my handy dandy cell phone. I call Prince Charming to the rescue. He and his companion come riding in on a Great White Dodge to save the day. (aka Todd and Wayne) But before the prince can make it to save the damsel in distress. Others come to my aide.

The first to arrive on the scene didn't offer assistance, but requested it. He told a tale of unexpected illness, being detoured from his intended destination, and being down on his luck. He began this conversation by finding common ground. The stranger asked me about the Christian fish symbol on the front of my car. He said that he had attended Kairos, a prison ministry weekend. I chatted with him not wanting to be rude. He shared of his misfortune, but before he could ask for assistance another came to my aid.

The second to arrive asked if I was OK and did I need help. I explained my dilemma. He then turned to the first gentleman and asked him when he had gotten out of jail. The first man looked surprised and offended. In rides the Prince and his companion, so the first man gets somewhat pushed to the side, as the task of starting the car is attended to. I knew that the first man was about to ask for money, before his efforts had been thwarted by the second gentleman. So during the commotion, I slipped five dollars from my purse and folded it in my hand.

The first man hung around for a little while attempting to help, but his efforts were ignored by the second man. He approached me one last time to say he would seek help elsewhere when I quickly handed him the money. He smiled and left with a "God bless you mam."

After 20 minutes of trying, the car was finally running and things were about to move forward when the second gentleman shared a story about the first. It would seem that man #1 had appeared in front of the grand jury on which man #2 sat. Man #1 was indited for scamming people with a story of unexpected illness, being detoured from his destination and being down on his luck. Thus the reaction from man #2 to man #1. Man #2 was truly trying to protect me and my children. We thanked him for his concern and his assistance and went along our way.

Upon entering the car, Dane expressed anger towards man #1 for his deception. He also chastised me for helping him. Here I got to share with all of the children that we are only responsible for ourselves. We can only answer for what we do. I told them that I had $5.00 in my purse and it did not hurt me or us to give it to man #1. I felt it was what I was supposed to do. We then went on to discuss the fact that he would have to answer for his actions. We are not to judge his motivation. Jesus will do that.

I think that we often get caught up in judging others needs or how they behave. If we listen to our hearts and where the Spirit leads us, we will truly have the opportunity to be the hands and feet of Christ to the world. I know that I don't want to stand before Him and say, "He didn't really need that money. He was just scamming me."

I must not be the only one...Sara Groves got "IT", too!

I know that I broke the pattern and didn't blog yesterday. I had to figure out some really high tech stuff so I could do this post. Trust me...it took an entire 36 hours to figure it out. I hope that it will actually work. I wanted to share this song by Sara Groves that completely speaks for me. I felt that it was very appropriate for this entry to follow the previous two. It is so cool when God allows your feelings to come through another person. She totally put my feelings to music.

Just Showed Up by Sara Groves and Joel Hanson

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer
There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright
I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed
I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives
There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Guess what the tech stuff didn't work so great for me. Hope you enjoyed the lyrics!

Living in the Gray

Day 2...I may be on a roll. I've always heard that it takes at least 3 days to make a habit, probably more like 7. Seven seems a little more divine, but 3 certainly has its merits.

So where is this all going? I wish I knew.

It seems that the statement, "Grace is in the gray" really struck a chord. I'm not sure where those words came from, but obviously they need further examination. Like I stated previously, I have been a "black" or "white" girl in the past. Over the past three years God has really revealed some things to me. To understand how far I have come, you need to know where I was.

I was the girl with the plan. Now I know that some of you are laughing saying, "Aren't you still the girl with the plan." Yes I do have a plan , but now I hope that it is more God's plan than mine and I play a supporting role. Previously my plan was influenced by the world. How things appeared was all that mattered. If we appear to be the perfect family then we must be. If we appear to have it all then we must. If I appeared to be "all of that and a bag of chips" then certainly it must true. Appearance is very fleeting. It leads to very high expectations of yourself and others.

All of these expectations fueled my "black" or "white" attitude. You were either for me or against me. You were either like me or different. You couldn't possibly be different from me and be "right" or alright because in my "black" and "white" world that would have to make me wrong. I couldn't bear to be wrong because then someone might find out that things weren't as they appeared.

Well, someone did find out that things weren't as they appeared. I found out! I found out that people might appear to be your friend and not be. I found out that just because you thought something was true didn't make it so. I found out that I was lovable without having to be perfect. I found Jesus. The real Jesus not the one that I thought I knew. The real Jesus isn't waiting for me to appear perfect. He wants me with all of my imperfections. He wants to guide and influence me to be more like Him. He wants to invite me out of my "black" and "white" "WORLD" into the gray of life.

Since I've been released from the "B/W" world and invited into the gray amazing things have happened. I am able to be me without the worry of appearances. It is OK to not be perfect or always have all of the answers. The wonderful thing is that it is OK for everyone else to live in the gray as well. My expectations of myself and others has changed. We don't have to live up to expectations. All we have to do is Love.

Now please do not think that I have become this new perfect person who only lives in the gray. I lived in "B/W" world for a long time and it was a very comfortable place because it was what I knew. Gray is foreign and different; unusual and often uncomfortable. But gray is where grace is. And I know that I need a lot of grace.

You Can Have It Your Way, But Don't Get Crazy!

I first have to acknowledge that I've not blogged since January. I can't necessarily pinpoint why. All I know is that I couldn't find the time. I have had thoughts of blogs but could never make myself sit down and write them. I feel that God has said that it is time to get back to it. I've got some alone time in the morning and hopefully will make this a habit (discipline...therefore making me a disciple?). So here we go.

I have struggled over the past year, maybe more, with styles of worship, different churches, and the need for one to be right. Living in the Bible belt allows for a variety of churches. You can have "high" church. You can have any denomination. You can have no denomination. You can have choirs and organs. You can have rocking worship bands. You can even have church with no instruments at all. So many choices, but which one is right?

I personally love liturgy. I love the sound of a pipe organ as well as a GREAT rock band. I love the tradition of robes and Lent. I love sharing communion as the body of Christ. I love a well delivered message that gives me Holy Spirit chills. I love looking over a group of people who know who they are and who's they are all worshipping together.

As you can see, I have great variety in how I like to worship, praise and interact with God. The unfortunate thing is there is not just one church that can offer me all of these things. I tend to be an "all" or "nothing" kind of girl. Black or white...Right or Wrong. God is working on this with me. Life is usually in the gray, that is where God is. Grace occurs in the gray of life.

So back to my dilemma. Which church is properly praising and worshipping God? As I chatted with a friend yesterday she commented on this issue. Our God is so big, and awesome; so in love with all of his children that any praise of Him is right. True praise comes from your heart. So you can praise HIM on your padded pews surrounded by stain glassed windows. You can praise HIM in jeans and flip flops. You can praise HIM on Wednesday instead of Sunday.

The bottom line is that HE loves us each and everyone with all of our differences. He made us all different so why would He want us all to worship in the same way. Worship is like Burger King..you can have it your way, but don't get crazy and forget to worship.

Catch and Release

I am currently reading, "Same Kind of Different As Me" by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. I am hesitant to write about a book that I've not finished, but I feel compelled to comment on a couple of paragraphs that have made me ponder for the past couple of days.

I, by no means, want to give the story away. It is a wonderful, true story so please read it for yourself. However, in one part, Denver and Ron are talking about fishing. Denver, a black man, ask Ron, a white man, about the practice of "catch and release" fishing. Denver is confused by the practice. He can't comprehend that you might fish all day just to release the fish back into the water.

He says, "That really bothers me, I can't figure it out. Cause when colored folks go fishin, we really proud of what we catch, and we take it and show it off to everybody that'll look. Then we eat what we catch...in other words, we use it to sustain us. So it really bothers me that white folks would go to all that trouble to catch a fish, then when they done caught it, just throw it back in the water."

This paragraph comes during a conversation about friendship. Denver ask Ron what he wants from him. Ron replies, "a friend." Then Denver relays the above paragraph and then goes on to say, "So , Mr. Ron it occurred to me: If you is fishin for a friend you just gon' catch and release, then I ain't got no desire to be your friend. ... But if you is lookin for a real friend, then I'll be one Forever."

This exchange really struck me. Over the past couple of days, it has laid heavy upon my heart. I tend to be a forever kind of girl. I like things to be the way that they are. I'm not a big list maker, but when I do make a list I want to check things off and have them checked off.

1. Get married...done
2. Have children...done
3. Make friends...done
4. Have a career...done
5. Buy clothes...done
6. Decorate the house...done
7. Buy some nice jewelry...done

Now I know that somethings you have to continually do, but somethings should be permanently checked off of the list. I'm not a huge shopper. Staying up with the styles and constantly shopping, makes me tired. I have other things to do. I'm more of a relationship kind of person.

Todd, on the other hand, likes to talk about "seasons." Interesting? Seasons for different clothes, maybe seasons for different careers, hopefully not seasons for different spouses, certainly seasons with you children...but seasons for your friends?

In Ecclesiastes, Solomon writes about "seasons" or "times." For everything he mentions, there is a time for the opposite... a positive and a negative...I'm not terribly fond of that, but who is? No one wants to suffer or even be slightly uncomfortable. Yet, God tells us that it is going to happen.

To get back to the story, Denver talks about "fishin' for friends." Jesus talks about "fishin' for men" Denver and Jesus have something in common, both of them are "fishn'" for keeps.

There is one thing that can be counted upon in life and that is God. He is constant and true. The same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is "fishin'" for each of us and once He catches us, He is not going to let us go.

So we can weather all seasons, positive and negative, with God!

A Christmas Story

I know that the title of this blog is "A Christmas Story." I also know that today is Wednesday, January 7, well after December 25 and all things Christmas. However, this blog began in my mind during the Christmas season and continues to grow so I feel the need to write it. Hang with me and I hope you'll find that it is not only "A Christmas Story, " but a story for a lifetime.

The Christmas story always makes me think. We grow up knowing about Mary and Joseph. How they traveled to the town of Bethlehem to be counted. That they traveled many miles on dusty roads with a donkey only to find that there was no room in the inn. The inn keeper offered them the only space that he had left which was a stable. While in that stable Mary gave birth to her first child and they called him, Jesus. Jesus is the son of God. The heavenly host sang and Mary lay Jesus in a manger. The shepherds came to see the new born king. The Magi brought gifts and Mary pondered these things in her heart.

Most everyone knows this story. Believers and non-believers alike have heard the story. Many of us have participated in or watched children reenact this heart warming story every Christmas. Our preschool puts on a Christmas pageant every year. Girls and mommas anxiously wait to see who will be chosen to play Mary or Gabriel (He's always played by a girl). Boys and mommas look forward to finding out who will play Joseph, the Shepard's, or the wise men. Everyone gets a part in the pageant. Those that don't play the lead will be townspeople.

I've always held Mary in high esteem. She is the mother of Jesus who happens to be the son of God. She fond favor with God is what the angel told her. How cool to be told audibly that you've found favor with God. It was not until I got older and then became a mother myself did I really begin to think about Mary. What it must have been like to be in her early teens, engaged to be married, a good Jewish girl with her whole life ahead of her then wham a glitch in the plan. A great glitch from the "finding favor with God" aspect, but a glitch none the less. She had to tell her fiance, her friends, and let's not forget her parents that she is "with God's child."

We all know the end of the story, so it seems sweet and wonderful even miraculous. But most of those people didn't live to see the end of the story or even know it for real. Those who did live to see the end of Mary's story or Jesus' story do you think that they said, "And they lived happily ever after?" I don't think so.

How many of us mothers want our daughters to actually live Mary's life?...or want our son's to live Joseph's life? We want them to play them in the pageant but not in real life. We don't want glitches in the plans that we've made. The role of the townspeople is looking pretty good, just a bystander.

All of this thinking about Mary and her story and Jesus and his story made me think about my story and your story. The truth is that we all have a story. Some of our stories seem better than others. You can almost always find someone with a story worse than yours or better than yours, but the stories aren't through.

The important thing to remember is that everyone has a story. All of our stories have the same author. He begins our story and then He let's us have it. (Free will) We can decide to give it back to Him or make a go of it on our own, but we've all tried to write a few chapters ourselves. Once you realize that He is a better author than you are, then try to remember that everyone you come in contact with has a story. You don't know the whole story. You only know a snippet. The author maybe using you as a pivotal character, a bystander or an evil villain.

What part do you play in the store clerk's story, the waiter's story, the single mother's story, the naughty child's story, the grouchy church lady's story or the homeless family's story? What part do you want to play? Ask the Author. I'm sure that He has something in mind for you.