Friends

I had a call from an old friend yesterday. She called to say that she had been reading my blog and just wanted to catch up. She referenced my post of "Catch and Release." She said she didn't want to be a catch and release kind of friend. I assured her that she wasn't.

In fact, she is one of those friends that you have for a lifetime. One of those friends that you may spend a season of life very close to and then you may have a season when you aren't so close. The season doesn't make your friendship any more or less. In fact I have come to cherish those friendships a great deal, a friend that is your friend over the years. One that you have history with...good and bad. A friend that has been in your life long enough to see a lot of your flaws and loves you anyway.

I am very grateful to have been blessed with a handful of these friends. Friends who have known me as a girl, a teenager, a college student, a young adult, a young married woman, a new mother and now an old mother. No matter what stage of my life they have come into my life, they've gotten to see the good, the bad, and the ugly and most importantly they have remained my friend.

I've also been blessed with other types of friends. Friends that come and go out of my life. Maybe physical distances or circumstances in life cause the friendship not to last so long. They are also important to my life. They have added value to my time on earth and certainly taught me lessons about myself, others and God.

There are also the new friends that I make on a regular basis. Friends that I've just known a few years, months, weeks or even days. These I also consider gifts from God. In my study of John, I am reminded that all things are created by God for God. If we are to believe this, then all people with all of their differences and all relationships work together to bring God glory.

Robin Norwood says, "We need to be able to relinquish our beliefs about what "should" be and become willing to accept and appreciate what simply is." Maybe that should be our take on friendship. There is no real definition of what a friend "should" be. We should accept them and appreciate them for what they are...gifts from God!

You never know who is watching

The God goggles have been popping up everywhere. I attended my first BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) discussion group this past Thursday. While we were discussing, I felt that I was supposed to share with the group about God goggles. I chose not to share. It was our first time together. I had already shared on several questions and didn't want to be a conversation hog. I also didn't want to be tooting my own horn about my blog or my catch phrase "God goggles." So I told that small voice in my head to "shh!" and the discussion moved on.

Well, come to find out God wanted me to share that story in small group. Because when we went to the sanctuary for lecture, the guest speaker talked about God goggles. Had I followed the prompting to share, the twelve girls in my small group could have gotten a glimpse of how God ties things together through people who haven't even met.

There have been other times when I do listen to that small voice and although I may not know the impact my actions have. I've learned that you never know who is watching.

Months ago I began to notice a lady around town. I noticed her because she is different. She appears to be homeless. She wears a heavy coat with a hood no matter what the weather. She used to have a bicycle, but now she has a baby stroller. She seems to always be talking to herself.

I don't know why I took an interest in her, but I did. Whenever I would pass her on the road or see her sitting on a bench, I would say a little prayer for her. God had laid her on my heart. I wasn't sure how or where or why, but I knew in my spirit that our paths were going to cross.

One night after a meeting, a friend and I happened upon the topic of homeless people and "she" came up. My friend had noticed her, too. She had even gone so far as to stop and talk with her. I had not gathered my courage enough to do that. However, God was going to give me the opportunity.

One Sunday after church, my family and I went out to eat as we often do. I knew the time had come. There outside the door of the restaurant sat "her" stroller. I said to myself this is it. I'm about to have an encounter with her. Well, sure enough my entire family had the opportunity to meet her and spend some time talking with her. She was in the restaurant inquiring about the church that my family and I attend. This opened the door for us to invite her to sit down, to talk with her and offer her assistance.

You really need some description in order to get the full picture. It is May in South Georgia, ninety-seven degrees easily. She is dressed in a sweatshirt, pants, heavy coat with a hood and sunglasses on inside. My family and I are dressed in our Sunday best...fancy dresses, heels, pearls, coats, and ties. We are all sitting together talking in the restaurant. Not a sight that you see everyday, certainly not every Sunday in south Georgia.

After awhile, we parted ways with our new friend, "Miss Sherry." We left with the agreement that Todd would meet her back the next morning and take her to get assistance. The next morning comes, Todd goes to pick her up and she is not there. He waits, but still no Sherry.

A week later, I see her sitting on a bench in front of Hollywood Video. I wheel in to go and talk with her, check on her and make sure she is OK. She immediately recognizes me and apologizes for standing my husband up. She can't say exactly why she wasn't there, but she was certainly sorry that she might have inconvenienced him. I could tell that she simply wanted to talk so I sat with her for a while. She shared of many things, but she mainly wanted to talk about Jesus. I stayed as long as I could and then I left.

I got back into my car to my phone going off like crazy. I had several missed calls and texts and the phone was ringing. I picked up to the chastising voice of my friend who says, "What are you doing? My husband said that he saw you sitting on the bench talking to the crazy lady." I told her that her name was "Sherry" and that we were chatting.

I've run into Sherry only one other time since then, but have several opportunities to talk about her with others. Now months later people will bring up the fact that they say me talking with her or they will share a story of how she had an encounter with them. Most people indicate that she makes them feel uncomfortable. They want her to change her clothes or where she sits or how she acts. All Sherry really wants is for someone to sit and listen to her. Why does she make us uncomfortable? Could she be like the blind beggar or the demon possessed man from Jesus time? Is what she's asking for too much to give?

The next time you feel a prompting to do something a little out of the the ordinary or at least out of your comfort zone, listen to that small voice. You never know what catalyst your action could be for a plan that God has and you never know who is watching!

Olivia and the God Goggles

After the last post, this one seems to follow naturally. I can't remember where I first heard the term "God Goggles," but I know that I didn't come up with it. Someone said it and I've decided to use it. Every morning as I drop the carpool kids off at school, I say, "Put on your God Goggles" or "Don't forget your God Goggles." Being that we have new kids in the carpool, I've had to explain what this means.

I can't remember if it has been one or two years ago, but one day Olivia came home from school not her normal yippee self. She seemed bothered. For my effervescent always giggling and smiling child, I knew something was wrong. I asked her why she was blue. She then relayed a story about a little boy in her class that wasn't very nice. He didn't listen in class or follow the rules. He spoke out of turn and picked on her. She basically had nothing nice to say about him. I tried to ask her question that might lead her to see some of his positive attributes, but nothing seemed to work.

Then I remembered the "God Goggles." I told her that when she went to school the next day, she should wear her God Goggles. She looked at me with confusion. She didn't want to wear anything on her face. Someone might make fun of her. I explained that God Goggles simply let her see through God's eyes. If she could see this little boy as God sees him, then maybe she could find his good qualities. I told her that as she walked into class she could put on her imaginary God Goggles and ask God to show her this little boy and other things throughout her day through His eyes. She smiled that wonderful Olivia smile, giggled and said that she would try it.

As she got out of the car the next morning, I reminded her to put on her God Goggles. She smiled and said that she would. When she got home from school that afternoon, I couldn't wait to hear how the God Goggles had worked for her. She came bouncing through the door with the smile that she is known for. I anxiously asked what she saw through her God Goggles when she looked at this little boy. She said that the good thing about him was he had on a cute shirt. I asked wasn't there anything else good about him. She said nope and skipped off to play.

Not exactly what I was hoping for, but it was a step in the right direction. Over the course over the school year, she would relay more positive stories about the little boy from time to time. Whether she was wearing God Goggles or not, I don't know. What I do know is that we all need to wear our God Goggles everyday in every situation. I know easier said than done, but maybe in the more difficult ones we can stop and slip them on and see how God would evaluate the scene.

Some days I just seem to have them strapped on and other days they are nowhere to be found. Maybe Thursday when we ran into man #1, I had on my God Goggles. Who knows? But like anything I'm a work in progress and very far from perfection. So as you go out into your day, "Don't forget your God Goggles!"

Life Lessons and Dead Batteries

Yesterday was like an other day in the Tillman family...crazy. After school the boys had a hair appointment that I thought was at 4:30, but turned out to be at 3:45. Olivia and Dane don't usually get home until 3:45 so things had to be thrown into hyper mode in order to get there remotely close to appointment time. Despite my "on time" issues, I really do hate being late. It maybe not really "on time" issues, but my inability to gage how long activities take.

Anyway, we rushed downtown, four children in tow, in the misting rain. In my hurry to get everyone inside, I left my lights on. Being that my car is so smart, (like it knows the way to Disney World without me really having to drive there) I figured it could turn the lights off for me since I forgot. Apparently it has forgotten how to do this. After forty minutes and two haircuts later, all five of us come out into the rain to return to the car without an umbrella. The big kids and Jake think that running in the rain is fun, so they head out to the car. Henry and I make our way without getting too wet.

As everyone gets loaded into the car, I hand Dane the keys to start the car and turn on the air. He can't get it to turn over. I finish strapping Henry in and try for myself. Nothing happens. Nothing at all. Not even a hint of turning over. Well, panic ensues. Not me but the children. Olivia is worried that we will have to live in our car. Jake's concerned that we are going to burn up without air. Henry tries out a few new octaves just for the fun of it. And Dane sits there looking like "Is this really happening?"

Well, not to panic I have my handy dandy cell phone. I call Prince Charming to the rescue. He and his companion come riding in on a Great White Dodge to save the day. (aka Todd and Wayne) But before the prince can make it to save the damsel in distress. Others come to my aide.

The first to arrive on the scene didn't offer assistance, but requested it. He told a tale of unexpected illness, being detoured from his intended destination, and being down on his luck. He began this conversation by finding common ground. The stranger asked me about the Christian fish symbol on the front of my car. He said that he had attended Kairos, a prison ministry weekend. I chatted with him not wanting to be rude. He shared of his misfortune, but before he could ask for assistance another came to my aid.

The second to arrive asked if I was OK and did I need help. I explained my dilemma. He then turned to the first gentleman and asked him when he had gotten out of jail. The first man looked surprised and offended. In rides the Prince and his companion, so the first man gets somewhat pushed to the side, as the task of starting the car is attended to. I knew that the first man was about to ask for money, before his efforts had been thwarted by the second gentleman. So during the commotion, I slipped five dollars from my purse and folded it in my hand.

The first man hung around for a little while attempting to help, but his efforts were ignored by the second man. He approached me one last time to say he would seek help elsewhere when I quickly handed him the money. He smiled and left with a "God bless you mam."

After 20 minutes of trying, the car was finally running and things were about to move forward when the second gentleman shared a story about the first. It would seem that man #1 had appeared in front of the grand jury on which man #2 sat. Man #1 was indited for scamming people with a story of unexpected illness, being detoured from his destination and being down on his luck. Thus the reaction from man #2 to man #1. Man #2 was truly trying to protect me and my children. We thanked him for his concern and his assistance and went along our way.

Upon entering the car, Dane expressed anger towards man #1 for his deception. He also chastised me for helping him. Here I got to share with all of the children that we are only responsible for ourselves. We can only answer for what we do. I told them that I had $5.00 in my purse and it did not hurt me or us to give it to man #1. I felt it was what I was supposed to do. We then went on to discuss the fact that he would have to answer for his actions. We are not to judge his motivation. Jesus will do that.

I think that we often get caught up in judging others needs or how they behave. If we listen to our hearts and where the Spirit leads us, we will truly have the opportunity to be the hands and feet of Christ to the world. I know that I don't want to stand before Him and say, "He didn't really need that money. He was just scamming me."

I must not be the only one...Sara Groves got "IT", too!

I know that I broke the pattern and didn't blog yesterday. I had to figure out some really high tech stuff so I could do this post. Trust me...it took an entire 36 hours to figure it out. I hope that it will actually work. I wanted to share this song by Sara Groves that completely speaks for me. I felt that it was very appropriate for this entry to follow the previous two. It is so cool when God allows your feelings to come through another person. She totally put my feelings to music.

Just Showed Up by Sara Groves and Joel Hanson

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer
There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright
I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed
I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives
There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real
And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Guess what the tech stuff didn't work so great for me. Hope you enjoyed the lyrics!

Living in the Gray

Day 2...I may be on a roll. I've always heard that it takes at least 3 days to make a habit, probably more like 7. Seven seems a little more divine, but 3 certainly has its merits.

So where is this all going? I wish I knew.

It seems that the statement, "Grace is in the gray" really struck a chord. I'm not sure where those words came from, but obviously they need further examination. Like I stated previously, I have been a "black" or "white" girl in the past. Over the past three years God has really revealed some things to me. To understand how far I have come, you need to know where I was.

I was the girl with the plan. Now I know that some of you are laughing saying, "Aren't you still the girl with the plan." Yes I do have a plan , but now I hope that it is more God's plan than mine and I play a supporting role. Previously my plan was influenced by the world. How things appeared was all that mattered. If we appear to be the perfect family then we must be. If we appear to have it all then we must. If I appeared to be "all of that and a bag of chips" then certainly it must true. Appearance is very fleeting. It leads to very high expectations of yourself and others.

All of these expectations fueled my "black" or "white" attitude. You were either for me or against me. You were either like me or different. You couldn't possibly be different from me and be "right" or alright because in my "black" and "white" world that would have to make me wrong. I couldn't bear to be wrong because then someone might find out that things weren't as they appeared.

Well, someone did find out that things weren't as they appeared. I found out! I found out that people might appear to be your friend and not be. I found out that just because you thought something was true didn't make it so. I found out that I was lovable without having to be perfect. I found Jesus. The real Jesus not the one that I thought I knew. The real Jesus isn't waiting for me to appear perfect. He wants me with all of my imperfections. He wants to guide and influence me to be more like Him. He wants to invite me out of my "black" and "white" "WORLD" into the gray of life.

Since I've been released from the "B/W" world and invited into the gray amazing things have happened. I am able to be me without the worry of appearances. It is OK to not be perfect or always have all of the answers. The wonderful thing is that it is OK for everyone else to live in the gray as well. My expectations of myself and others has changed. We don't have to live up to expectations. All we have to do is Love.

Now please do not think that I have become this new perfect person who only lives in the gray. I lived in "B/W" world for a long time and it was a very comfortable place because it was what I knew. Gray is foreign and different; unusual and often uncomfortable. But gray is where grace is. And I know that I need a lot of grace.

You Can Have It Your Way, But Don't Get Crazy!

I first have to acknowledge that I've not blogged since January. I can't necessarily pinpoint why. All I know is that I couldn't find the time. I have had thoughts of blogs but could never make myself sit down and write them. I feel that God has said that it is time to get back to it. I've got some alone time in the morning and hopefully will make this a habit (discipline...therefore making me a disciple?). So here we go.

I have struggled over the past year, maybe more, with styles of worship, different churches, and the need for one to be right. Living in the Bible belt allows for a variety of churches. You can have "high" church. You can have any denomination. You can have no denomination. You can have choirs and organs. You can have rocking worship bands. You can even have church with no instruments at all. So many choices, but which one is right?

I personally love liturgy. I love the sound of a pipe organ as well as a GREAT rock band. I love the tradition of robes and Lent. I love sharing communion as the body of Christ. I love a well delivered message that gives me Holy Spirit chills. I love looking over a group of people who know who they are and who's they are all worshipping together.

As you can see, I have great variety in how I like to worship, praise and interact with God. The unfortunate thing is there is not just one church that can offer me all of these things. I tend to be an "all" or "nothing" kind of girl. Black or white...Right or Wrong. God is working on this with me. Life is usually in the gray, that is where God is. Grace occurs in the gray of life.

So back to my dilemma. Which church is properly praising and worshipping God? As I chatted with a friend yesterday she commented on this issue. Our God is so big, and awesome; so in love with all of his children that any praise of Him is right. True praise comes from your heart. So you can praise HIM on your padded pews surrounded by stain glassed windows. You can praise HIM in jeans and flip flops. You can praise HIM on Wednesday instead of Sunday.

The bottom line is that HE loves us each and everyone with all of our differences. He made us all different so why would He want us all to worship in the same way. Worship is like Burger King..you can have it your way, but don't get crazy and forget to worship.