Motivation of the Heart found at Disney

Five days at Disney...what could be better? For some people hemorrhoid surgery would be more enjoyable, however if you are a Tillman this is about as perfect as it gets. The only thing better than 5 days at Disney would be at least 7, maybe 10.

Todd and I love Disney and have raised 3 children who love it as well. As soon as one trip is over, we start planning the next one. We go knowing that there will be people; lots of people from all over the world. We make a game plan and go about it as best we can, but we also know that you must be flexible in a crowded theme park atmosphere. We talk about our game plan so that everyone is involved and has input into what they would like to do or see. We are really very fortunate in this aspect.

All of this being said, I did not plan on having such a God moment at Disney this last time. I don't know why that seemed like such a foreign concept to me. God doesn't live in a box. He is everywhere, even Disney. He has even taught me lessons there before. (Like someone finding Olivia's pin lanyard, turning it in and us getting it back 2 weeks after we got home. If that's not God! But that is a different story entirely.) I guess I just didn't think I needed to learn a lesson. When that is your attitude, watch out!

So, we head off on the first day. We drive down early on Wednesday. Arrive in time to check in our hotel and head off to Animal Kingdom. Jake is terribly excited because it is his first trip to Animal Kingdom. All goes well, but I find myself observing other people. Some look like me and that is comforting, but others do not. I then have to decide what to do with that uncomfortableness. I consider myself an open-minded girl. I just think, " It takes all kinds of people" and I move on. Later we encounter, big kids (age 4) walking around sucking passies. I'm being pushed a little further this time. What am I going to do with this? Really none of my business, but judgement starts creeping in. Why would you let your big kid walk around sucking a passie? Don't you know how bad that is for them? It will mess up their teeth not to mention their speech. So glad that I'm not that kind of parent. I certainly would not let my 4 yr. old do that. I'm so good. :)

The next day is Hollywood studios. Again another great day full of fun and new rides and experiences. Here we also encounter the screaming kids and the angry parents. Screaming kids because they are tired or hungry or have sensory overload. Angry parents because they are tired, hungry, have unmet expectations, etc. Oh No! A little pride creeping up, I'm so glad that my children aren't acting like that. I'm so happy that we didn't come here with unrealistic expectations of what this day would be. We are so good. :)

Third day...Epcot, a new experience for all of us. This really was a wonderful day. Todd got to spend most of the day with us. We enjoyed a fabulous meal at the Corral Reef. We rode Soaring and Test Track together as a family.

Certainly Satan was not going to sneak into this day. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8 I'm about to get devoured by people on scooters. Whole families riding scooters around the streets of Epcot. Are they too lazy to walk? Are they too large to walk? What is their deal? Why are they getting right in front of me and my "good" family and slowing us down? Why does Disney even allow these crazy things? My self-righteousness just lays me out there to be swallowed whole by that roaring lion prowling behind the people on the scooters.

Thank you Jesus that I know the Shepard's voice and can hear him when he calls. With gentle correction He ask me, "What was the motivation of your heart when you planned this trip and brought your family here?" Of course my motivation was to have a good time, share this experience with my children and husband, and relax. "Do you honestly believe that the motivation of any of these people is much different than yours?" No. "Each of them is my child. I want for them and you the same things that you want for your children."

The next day was Magic Kingdom. After our little chat, I viewed it with very different eyes. I made sure that I had my "God Goggles" on. Things are always more magical through the Father's eyes, even 14 hours in the Magic Kingdom.

I had almost let this post slip from my memory. While listening to Francis Chan's podcast on "Holy Anguish," I was reminded of this lesson. He talked about parenting and how we all have different styles and things that we hold sacred, but all of our motivation is the same. Our hearts long to raise our children loving them the best way we know how.

So for me, the motivation of the heart is certainly something to consider. If the motivation is good, you have to give grace to the process and the outcome.

What defines you?

I've been at CATALYST over this past week. If you ever get a chance to go, I highly recommend it. It is usually the first Wed. - Fri. in October. It is held at the Gwinnett Center and is two full days of speakers and worship. It is actually billed as a Christian Leadership Conference. Truly incredible!

I thought that my blog would focus on what I learned at Catalyst and I would share all of the amazing things that happened there. However, that is not exactly where this blog is headed. I'm sure that all of those amazing things will come out over the course of several post.

The inspiration for this blog actually came from what Todd and I call, "Trashy TV night." Every Sunday night Todd and I watch Desperate Housewives and then I watch Brothers and Sisters. Be careful, don't judge me because of my guilty pleasure. I actually learn about relationships from these programs and gain insight into society.

Enough background...on with the show. Towards the end of Brothers and Sisters, Kitty (Calista Flockhart) tells her husband (Rob Lowe) that he did not allow is heart attack to define him and that she would not allow her diagnosis of cancer to define her. I was truly struck by this statement.

I am sure that this is not some new idea that I've come up with, but for myself I would like to examine this question. "What defines me?" I'm sure that throughout ones life this is an ever evolving answer. You may be some one's child or sibling, some one's friend or significant other, some one's boss or employee, some one's spouse or parent.

Think about it. When introducing ourselves to someone new, we often connect ourselves with someone. I know that in a school setting I am Dane, Olivia or Jake's momma depending on who am talking with. In the community I might be Todd's wife or Young and Penny's daughter-in-law. In Blackshear, I'm Sara and Leon's daughter or Ben and Matthew's sister. I might even be Irene's granddaughter or Cassie or Laurie's niece. Family certainly defines who we are.

Our occupation and accomplishments often defines who we are, as well. Todd could be defined as the broker/owner of Century 21 Winnersville Realty or the Joy Group leader at the House Of Joy. He could be defined as the past president of the Valdosta Board of Realtors or Azalea City Kiwanis Club. Leadership Lowndes or the United Way board position could also be a part of his definition.

How often does our church affiliation define who we are? Especially in the South we are known by the church we attend. Are you a member of Park Avenue, CrossPointe, Solomon's Porch, Morningside, Northside, Crossroads, First Methodist, First Presbyterian, First Baptist, or St. John's.

As the characters from last night's TV shows, you could be defined by an illness or an accident that occurred. You could be the one fighting cancer or the cancer survivor. You could be the heart attack victim or survivor. You could even be defined by a crime that happened to you or that you committed.

All of us have things in our lives that could define us. Some of these things are good and some of them not so good. But the key to it is we have a choice. We can choose what defines us. We can decide what we want to cling to as our identity. Sometimes it doesn't feel like we have a choice, especially when the defining thing happens to us. We are a victim. However, we don't have to be defined by the evil of this world.

Jesus Christ lived and died so that we can have a choice. We can choose our definition in the shadow of the cross. His sacrifice was so that none of us have to be victims or defined by anything more than His grace. It is enough.

At Catalyst I roomed with a girl that helped me refine my definition. Someone asked how we knew one another. I gave a very worldly explanation. She simply said, "We both love Jesus!" What a wonderful way to be defined!

The Process...

Some call it a "journey", "walk", or "relationship." While all of these words accurately describe interaction with God . I'm going to refer to it as "a process." To me a process is an ongoing act that implies a desired outcome. I double checked with Merriam-Webster to make sure that I had not assigned my own definition to the word. (I've been known to do that in the past.) According to Merriam-Webster, "A process is a natural phenomenon marked by gradual changes that lead to a particular result." So in this instance, I'm right.


I choose the word process because of the "gradual changes that lead to a particular result." I look at myself as the one in "process." It certainly is not God. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. That is probably why I have such a hard time grasping His concepts. I tend to change somewhat frequently and not always for the positive. I also have issue with the "gradual changes." I'm fond of the quick and easy fixes, but I'm also aware that they rarely work long term and usually aren't as good. (Who ever chose a store bought "quick and easy" cake over a straight from scratch Mema's cake. No one in my family!) I have decided that I want to be in "a process" with the "particular result" being Christlike. I have lofty goals I know. I'm also very aware that on this side of Glory I will not achieve my desired outcome. However, I feel that I still must make my feeble attempt. He has done soooo much for me.

It is on days like today, that my "process" seems to travel in the negative direction instead of the positive. All the while I'm very aware that I'm going the wrong way. Kind of like driving into a round-about in Boston and then coming out the same road that you went in on. You temporarily made wonderful progress, but it was short lived. You are very aware that you are going out the same way you came in, but there is nothing you can do about it. For weeks, months, maybe even a year, I've been making great progress toward my desired outcome. Don't get me wrong, I'm no where near Christlike. But I'm a few inches closer than I was when I began. Today.. for a moment, I not only drove back in the opposite direction; I was catapulted back beyond the beginning of "the process."

One situation sent me running aimlessly backwards into fear, hate, hurt, mean and control. It was almost an outer body experience because I could hear myself saying these awful things but my heart was saying, "You don't believe or mean those things." "You know that you are loved." "You know Who is in control." But for a very brief moment, I wanted to feel that I had some control over someone else. I wanted to hurt them as much as their actions would hurt me. I had to cry.


In my tears and my broken heartedness, He reached down and reminded me of all the things I've learned in my process. He is love. He drives out fear. He heals the hurt. He is in control. He also showed me that He is walking the journey through the process in relationship with me. And no matter how gradual the change, the change is in the direction of HIM as long as I keep my focus on HIM.

A good song and a long walk will always help me refocus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSXciv06218

I hope that you enjoy.