Living in the Gray

Day 2...I may be on a roll. I've always heard that it takes at least 3 days to make a habit, probably more like 7. Seven seems a little more divine, but 3 certainly has its merits.

So where is this all going? I wish I knew.

It seems that the statement, "Grace is in the gray" really struck a chord. I'm not sure where those words came from, but obviously they need further examination. Like I stated previously, I have been a "black" or "white" girl in the past. Over the past three years God has really revealed some things to me. To understand how far I have come, you need to know where I was.

I was the girl with the plan. Now I know that some of you are laughing saying, "Aren't you still the girl with the plan." Yes I do have a plan , but now I hope that it is more God's plan than mine and I play a supporting role. Previously my plan was influenced by the world. How things appeared was all that mattered. If we appear to be the perfect family then we must be. If we appear to have it all then we must. If I appeared to be "all of that and a bag of chips" then certainly it must true. Appearance is very fleeting. It leads to very high expectations of yourself and others.

All of these expectations fueled my "black" or "white" attitude. You were either for me or against me. You were either like me or different. You couldn't possibly be different from me and be "right" or alright because in my "black" and "white" world that would have to make me wrong. I couldn't bear to be wrong because then someone might find out that things weren't as they appeared.

Well, someone did find out that things weren't as they appeared. I found out! I found out that people might appear to be your friend and not be. I found out that just because you thought something was true didn't make it so. I found out that I was lovable without having to be perfect. I found Jesus. The real Jesus not the one that I thought I knew. The real Jesus isn't waiting for me to appear perfect. He wants me with all of my imperfections. He wants to guide and influence me to be more like Him. He wants to invite me out of my "black" and "white" "WORLD" into the gray of life.

Since I've been released from the "B/W" world and invited into the gray amazing things have happened. I am able to be me without the worry of appearances. It is OK to not be perfect or always have all of the answers. The wonderful thing is that it is OK for everyone else to live in the gray as well. My expectations of myself and others has changed. We don't have to live up to expectations. All we have to do is Love.

Now please do not think that I have become this new perfect person who only lives in the gray. I lived in "B/W" world for a long time and it was a very comfortable place because it was what I knew. Gray is foreign and different; unusual and often uncomfortable. But gray is where grace is. And I know that I need a lot of grace.